About the role
🚨📢 HELP WANTED: EXPERIENCED NEGOTIATOR PREFERRED 📢🚨
🎯 NOW HIRING: BEHAVIOR TECHNICIAN (BT/RBT)
📍 East Meadow, NY 11554
💰 Excellent Pay (the kind that makes you reply to the recruiter immediately)
⏰ Monday-Thursday | 4 PM-7 PM
🏠 1:1 In-Home ABA Case
⚠️ THE SITUATION
A highly intelligent, highly verbal 9-year-old boy is looking for his next Behavior Technician.
Before applying, you should know:
This child has never paid taxes.
Has never had a mortgage.
Has never worked a full-time job.
Yet somehow possesses the confidence of a Fortune 500 CEO. 😂
📝 DAILY RESPONSIBILITIES
✅ Explain a rule
✅ Explain the same rule differently
✅ Explain why the rule still exists
✅ Listen to a detailed counterargument
✅ Wonder if he might actually have a point
✅ Remember you're the adult
😅 THINGS YOU MAY HEAR ON THE JOB
"That's not what happened."
"Technically..."
"Can you prove it?"
"Where does it say that?"
"That's your opinion."
"And another thing..."
🧠 IDEAL CANDIDATE
We're looking for someone with:
✅ The patience of a kindergarten teacher on the day before summer vacation
✅ The energy of a golden retriever who just heard the word "park"
✅ The emotional stability to be fact-checked by a fourth-grader
✅ The ability to keep a straight face while losing a debate to someone who still needs help opening a ketchup packet
💰 WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU?
💸 Great pay
🕒 Consistent hours
🎉 Fridays off
🏖️ Weekends off
💙 Meaningful work that actually makes a difference
And let's be honest...
A lifetime of stories nobody will believe happened.
🚨 WARNING 🚨
Side effects of this position may include:
⚠️ Becoming unusually good at negotiations
⚠️ Accidentally using ABA terminology in real life
⚠️ Catching yourself saying "Nice job making a good choice!" to grown adults
⚠️ Being humbled by someone whose age is still a single digit
📲 Send your resume, availability, and hourly rate expectations today!
💙 One child. One case. Infinite plot twists.
😂 Apply now before somebody else gets paid to argue with a tiny lawyer for 3 hours a day.