About the role
🚨📢 BREAKING NEWS: LOCAL 9-YEAR-OLD CURRENTLY ACCEPTING CHALLENGERS 📢🚨
🎯 NOW HIRING: BEHAVIOR TECHNICIAN (BT/RBT)
📍 East Meadow, NY 11554
💰 Pay so good you'll check your direct deposit twice because clearly there must be a mistake
⏰ Monday-Thursday | 4 PM-7 PM
🏠 1-on-1 In-Home ABA Case
🚨 ATTENTION HUMAN BEINGS
We have a situation.
A highly verbal, highly intelligent 9-year-old boy has been identified in East Meadow.
Experts have confirmed he is:
✅ Very smart
✅ Very funny
✅ Very determined
✅ Fully capable of arguing a point long after most adults would've surrendered and ordered takeout
This isn't just a child.
This is a tiny CEO with strong opinions and unlimited speaking minutes.
🧠 WHAT YOU'RE UP AGAINST
This young man possesses:
⚡ The ability to ask "Why?" enough times to make philosophers nervous
⚡ The confidence of a man who's never paid a bill in his life
⚡ Negotiation skills usually found in car dealerships
⚡ The unique talent of making you explain the same rule five different ways and then responding,
"Yeah, but technically..."
😅 THINGS YOU MAY EXPERIENCE ON THIS CASE
🚨 Losing an argument to someone who still needs permission to stay up past bedtime
🚨 Being presented with a 10-minute closing statement explaining why your request is unfair
🚨 Hearing the phrase:
"Actually, that's not what happened..."
and immediately preparing yourself emotionally
🚨 Discovering that a 9-year-old somehow found a loophole in a rule you created 30 seconds ago
🚨 Trying not to laugh during a behavior because the child is unintentionally funnier than most stand-up comedians
💰 WHY YOU'LL LOVE THIS JOB
💸 THE PAYCHECK
Amazing pay.
The kind of pay where your bank account finally stops sending passive-aggressive messages.
🕒 THE SCHEDULE
Monday through Thursday.
4 PM-7 PM.
Fridays?
Yours.
Weekends?
Also yours.
Go touch grass.
Sleep in.
Become a person again.
💙 THE IMPORTANT STUFF
You'll be helping an incredible child build communication, coping, flexibility, and independence skills.
The laughs are free.
The impact is real.
🏆 YOU MAY BE A PERFECT FIT IF YOU HAVE
✅ The patience of a Starbucks employee during the morning rush
✅ The energy of a golden retriever who just heard the word "walk"
✅ The creativity of a parent explaining why the ice cream truck is "out of ice cream"
✅ The ability to remember 47 different things while pretending everything is completely under control
✅ Experience working with children and ABA
✅ The emotional strength to hear "that's not fair" multiple times per week
🚨 FINAL WARNING 🚨
This case won't stay open for long.
Someone is going to grab this opportunity.
The only question is:
Will it be you, or will you be sitting at home wondering how somebody else got paid to become a professional tiny-human negotiator?
📲 Send your resume, availability, and hourly rate expectations TODAY!
😂 No cape required. No superpowers required. Just patience, a sense of humor, and a willingness to occasionally be humbled by a 9-year-old with excellent debating skills.
💙 ONE CHILD. ONE CASE. THOUSANDS OF "WHY?" QUESTIONS. 💙
🚨 APPLY NOW BEFORE THIS OPPORTUNITY DISAPPEARS FASTER THAN A KID WHO JUST HEARD THE WORD "CHORES." 🚨